sluttyoliveoil:

haha if youre bored you could kiss me idk just sayin

(via covocal)

andrewpauldost:

what if u had an identical twin that did porn and u like went to the grocery and theyre like “omg i saw u take 3 dicks at once while wearing a turtle costume” and ur like “god dammit gary”

(via phobias)

jackwhitevevo:

once i was babysitting my neighbor’s 6 year old and she asked me why i was so ugly and without thinking i said “i’m you from the future” and she cried for like 30 minutes

(Source: fullmetaljackit, via fake-mermaid)